Sometimes its the small things.. other times its the big things

Driving into work this morning I had another small epiphany, nothing too major not like I am going to cure cancer but I was driving to work at 7 am with my sunglasses ON. It is really not one of those things you think about it wearing sunglasses you just see this big ball of gas beating down on you from a million miles away and you instinctively put something over your eyes so you can actually see the 3 ton pieces of steel that are hurtling at you at 70 mphs on the freeway. But I thought about it and probably less than a month ago sunglasses in the morning would have been something I would have laughed at. It just seemed like I would have to drag my butt to work every morning in the pitch black and never see the sun until I’m comfortably settled in my cubicle at work. But not today my friends I had my sunglasses on and enjoying the sunshine at 7am. It was a wonderful way to start my Friday. Oh which leads me to wish everybody a Happy Cinco De Mayo. Put your party sombreros on and drink a Corona May 5th is a day everybody is Spanish and to think all those illegal immigrants say we don't appreciate them. Eh.. I did say something about big things in the title didn't I? Well I guess I should talk about it. (Warning: Rambling ahead) In my previous post I talked about saying that dirty four letter word to HER. So we have been saying it and honestly I do not know how I feel about it. What is love anyways? I sure as hell don't know and I will be the first to admit it. I really dont know if I should be saying I Love you to her or not. I think I should but who the hell knows. I think love is different for everybody you can not look it up in a medical dictionary see the symptoms and say yup thats me I am in Love. Now don't get me wrong. I really love being with her and love doing so many things with her, but how do I really know I am IN love with her. What have I gotten myself into? I went from one REALLY serious relationship to another pretty serious relationship. Now I am no no no no where close to getting down on one knee for this girl and who knows if I ever will for anybody after being married once already, but I really do like being with her. Though sometimes it feels like I am saying I love you just to make her happy and because it seems like thats the right thing I should do. And that is the thing that always gets me in trouble 'seems like right thing to do'. I think I always had in my mind of there was a set order to life like you had to do A to get to B in order to get to C. But now I think you can do A go to Z end up on H and never have to touch B or C. I am going to admit that A had me sucked into watching Grey's Anatomy last night and it gave a prime example of this: I dont know any of the people's names and I dont know any of the back story but in the end it showed these two women talking each supposedly in their late 30's one who was married, had a kid a successful job but now divorced and has 'never had any fun in her life' and another one who has a successful job a seemingly carefree and fun lifestyle but no family of her own and she is wanting to have a baby by artificial means. Both seem to be unhappy about how their life is going and they want what the other has but things on the surface are not always what they seem. Both seem to have a case of the 'grass is always greener' syndrome. And to be honest maybe that is what I am having with A, because I really dont know what is out there and how great I have it because I havent had enough time to swim in that ocean and get bitten by the other sharks out there. And it just always seemed like you grow up you go to school you graduate High school you go to college, graduate get a job and get married thats what you are 'suppose' to do, and that is what I did but that did not work out for me. I am not sure if I would change any of it, I have learned so much about myself and have learned to enjoy the small things in life and that is what I am doing right now. Like putting your sunglasses on in the morning.....