Blogging is like....

masturbating. Probably at least in a guys world. I will get to my reasoning in a minute, but I want to say.. WATCH out.. two entries in one day for me? What is the world coming to. But anywho back to my deep philosophical entry.

So I really like reading some blogs and it is so nice to go through the blogs and find new entries. And there are a few peoples I read that are very diligent, so as you can see I was very bored today at work so I decided to look at the linked blogs of the blogs I read. That sounds really confusing, all I mean is just the favorite blogs of my favorite blogs. So I start clicking links and notice that not alot are updated which kinda sucks but I can't complain since the last entry I had was back in May, but anyways now you can suck it.. You have two entries, even though I dont really think anybody reads this, but anywho.

Ok ok so blogging is like masturbating...

So after I was checking these out I ran out of things to do, so I decided to make an entry and hence my first entry of the day. And the one person I know does read mine was excited about it, so that got me to thinking. In the bathroom non the less, usually where most brillant ideas come from, but I thought that blogging is like masturbating(at least for guys) and here is why:

Usually when you masturbate it is a good release you feel better once you do it. When you blog you release your ideas and when you masturbate well you get the idea.
Usually when you are masturbating you do it alone, much like blogging.
Alot of people masturbate and blog but really rarely talk about it... unless you are somebody famous.
Usually you do it everyday and if you dont do it for few days then you start to miss it.. and you start to feel things build up inside you. Am I talking about blogging or masturbating? You decide.
Though once you dont do it for an extended time you become disinterested or feel the urge anymore.

So anyways I thought I would share...

And yes I know I have a very warped mind.

What I want...

Right now I want more than anything just somebody to talk to somebody new and refreshing, somebody new in my world, somebody who has different views, has done different things, has lived a different life. I love learning about new people, where they have come in life, where they are now and where they want to go. That is all I want somebody to talk to, somebody to get to know from scratch. I know have HER but I talk to her all day. I feel like I know just about everything about her. Granted we are going through life together right now and making new memories together, there is nothing to talk about nothing to converse. *sigh* all I long for right now is some conversation.

It always seems like since college I have grown apart from many of my friends and its not on purpose, it just happens, you get jobs in different cities, you get married, you have kids. In general just life happens, but my problem was that my life happened too and I did not make new friends so after my divorce that just leaves me. Well me and HER and dont get me wrong I love HER, but variety is the spice of life and I need variety in my interactions. I even go through old emails like old old trying to find people I have not talked to in ages to maybe rekindled a lost friendship, or even stalking on myspace to find old or new friends but who wants to talk to a myspace stalker? I am guy and guys only want one thing right? Or so women think....

So what else am I to do about that? Who knows, I will just write and complain about it on here. Not like anybody reads this anyways, since I haven't blogged here in forever. So I guess even with my pitty party I will be all alone too. :-)

Hindsight

The following was giving by Guy Kawasaki at a High School Graduation.. some of these just gave me goosebumps.

Palo Alto High School
Guy Kawasaki
Baccalaureate Speech 6/11/95
Speaking to you today marks a milestone in my life. I am 40 years old. 22 years ago, when I was in your seat, I never, ever thought I would be 40 years old.
The implications of being your speaker frightens me. For one thing, when a 40 year old geeser spoke at my baccalaureate ceremony, he was about the last person I'd believe. I have no intention of giving you the boring speech that you are dreading. This speech will be short, sweet, and not boring.
I am going to talk about hindsights today. Hindsights that I've accumulated in the 20 years from where you are to where I am. Don't blindly believe me. Don't take what I say as "truth." Just listen. Perhaps my experience can help you out a tiny bit.
I will present them ala David Letterman. Yes, 40-year old people can still stay up past 11.
#10: Live off your parents as long as possible.
When I spoke at this ceremony two years ago, this was the most popular hindsight-except from the point of view of the parents. Thus, I knew I was on the right track.
I was a diligent Oriental in high school and college. I took college-level classes and earned college-level credits. I rushed through college in 3 1/2 years. I never traveled or took time off because I thought it wouldn't prepare me for work and it would delay my graduation.
Frankly, I blew it.
You are going to work the rest of your lives, so don't be in a rush to start. Stretch out your college education. Now is the time to suck life into your lungs-before you have a mortgage, kids, and car payments.
Take whole semesters off to travel overseas. Take jobs and internships that pay less money or no money. Investigate your passions on your parent's nickel. Or dime. Or quarter. Or dollar. Your goal should be to extend college to at least six years.
Delay, as long as possible, the inevitable entry into the workplace and a lifetime of servitude to bozos who know less than you do, but who make more money. Also, you shouldn't deprive your parents of the pleasure of supporting you.
#9 Pursue joy, not happiness.
This is probably the hardest lesson of all to learn. It probably seems to you that the goal in life is to be "happy." Oh, you may be have sacrifice and study and work hard, but, by and large, happiness should be predictable.
Nice house. Nice car. Nice material things. Take my word for it, happiness is temporary and fleeting. Joy, by contrast, is unpredictable. It comes from pursing interests and passions that do not obviously result in happiness.
Pursuing joy, not happiness will translate into one thing over the next few years for you: Study what you love. This may also not be popular with parents. When I went to college, I was "marketing driven." It's also an Oriental thing.
I looked at what fields had the greatest job opportunities and prepared myself for them. This was brain dead. There are so many ways to make a living in the world, it doesn't matter that you've taken all the "right" courses. I don't think one person on the original Macintosh team had a classic "computer science" degree.
You parents have a responsibility in this area. Don't force your kids to follow in your footsteps or to live your dreams. My father was a senator in Hawaii. His dream was to be a lawyer, but he only had a high school education. He wanted me to be a lawyer.
For him, I went to law school. For me, I quit after two weeks. I view this a terrific validation of my inherent intelligence.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make in life is to accept the known and resist the unknown. You should, in fact, do exactly the opposite: challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
Let me tell you a short story about ice. In the late 1800s there was a thriving ice industry in the Northeast. Companies would cut blocks of ice from frozen lakes and ponds and sell them around the world. The largest single shipment was 200 tons that was shipped to India. 100 tons got there unmelted, but this was enough to make a profit.
These ice harvesters, however, were put out of business by companies that invented mechanical ice makers. It was no longer necessary to cut and ship ice because companies could make it in any city during any season.
These ice makers, however, were put out of business by refrigerator companies. If it was convenient to make ice at a manufacturing plant, imagine how much better it was to make ice and create cold storage in everyone's home.
You would think that the ice harvesters would see the advantages of ice making and adopt this technology. However, all they could think about was the known: better saws, better storage, better transportation.
Then you would think that the ice makers would see the advantages of refrigerators and adopt this technology. The truth is that the ice harvesters couldn't embrace the unknown and jump their curve to the next curve.
Challenge the known and embrace the unknown, or you'll be like the ice harvester and ice makers.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports.
Learn a foreign language. I studied Latin in high school because I thought it would help me increase my vocabulary. It did, but trust me when I tell you it's very difficult to have a conversation in Latin today other than at the Vatican. And despite all my efforts, the Pope has yet to call for my advice. Learn to play a musical instrument. My only connection to music today is that I was named after Guy Lombardo. Trust me: it's better than being named after Guy's brother, Carmen. Playing a musical instrument could be with me now and stay with me forever. Instead, I have to buy CDs at Tower.
I played football. I loved football. Football is macho. I was a middle linebacker-arguably, one of the most macho position in a macho game. But you should also learn to play a non-contact sport like basketball or tennis. That is, a sport you can play when you're over the hill.
It will be as difficult when you're 40 to get twenty two guys together in a stadium to play football as it is to have a conversation in Latin, but all the people who wore cute, white tennis outfits can still play tennis. And all the macho football players are sitting around watching television and drinking beer.
#6: Continue to learn.
Learning is a process not an event. I thought learning would be over when I got my degree. It's not true. You should never stop learning. Indeed, it gets easier to learn once you're out of school because it's easier to see the relevance of why you need to learn.
You're learning in a structured, dedicated environment right now. On your parent's nickel. But don't confuse school and learning. You can go to school and not learn a thing. You can also learn a tremendous amount without school.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
I know a forty year old woman who was a drug addict. She is a mother of three. She traced the start of her drug addiction to smoking dope in high school.
I'm not going to lecture you about not taking drugs. Hey, I smoked dope in high school. Unlike Bill Clinton, I inhaled. Also unlike Bill Clinton, I exhaled.
This woman told me that she started taking drugs because she hated herself when she was sober. She did not like drugs so much as much as she hated herself. Drugs were not the cause though she thought they were the solution.
She turned her life around only after she realized that she was in a downward spiral. Fix your problem. Fix your life. Then you won't need to take drugs. Drugs are neither the solution nor the problem.
Frankly, smoking, drugs, alcohol-and using an IBM PC-are signs of stupidity. End of discussion.
#4: Don't get married too soon.
I got married when I was 32. That's about the right age. Until you're about that age, you may not know who you are. You also may not know who you're marrying.
I don't know one person who got married too late. I know many people who got married too young. If you do decide to get married, just keep in mind that you need to accept the person for what he or she is right now.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
Playing to win is one of the finest things you can do. It enables you to fulfill your potential. It enables you to improve the world and, conveniently, develop high expectations for everyone else too.
And what if you lose? Just make sure you lose while trying something grand. Avinash Dixit, an economics professor at Princeton, and Barry Nalebuff, an economics and management professor at the Yale School of Organization and Management, say it this way:
"If you are going to fail, you might as well fail at a difficult task. Failure causes others to downgrade their expectations of you in the future. The seriousness of this problem depends on what you attempt."
In its purest form, winning becomes a means, not an end, to improve yourself and your competition.
Winning is also a means to play again. The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the unlived life is not worth examining. The rewards of winning-money, power, satisfaction, and self-confidence-should not be squandered.
Thus, in addition to playing to win, you have a second, more important obligation: To compete again to the depth and breadth and height that your soul can reach. Ultimately, your greatest competition is yourself.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
Playing to win, however, does not mean playing dirty. As you grow older and older, you will find that things change from absolute to relative. When you were very young, it was absolutely wrong to lie, cheat, or steal.
As you get older, and particularly when you enter the workforce, you will be tempted by the "system" to think in relative terms. "I made more money." "I have a nicer car." "I went on a better vacation."
Worse, "I didn't cheat as much on my taxes as my partner." "I just have a few drinks. I don't take cocaine." "I don't pad my expense reports as much as others."
This is completely wrong. Preserve and obey the absolutes as much as you can. If you never lie, cheat, or steal, you will never have to remember who you lied to, how you cheated, and what you stole.
There absolutely are absolute rights and wrongs.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
This is the most important hindsight. It doesn't need much explanation. I'll just repeat it: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
Nothing-not money, power, or fame-can replace your family and friends or bring them back once they are gone. Our greatest joy has been our baby, and I predict that children will bring you the greatest joy in your lives-especially if they graduate from college in four years.
And now, I'm going to give you one extra hindsight because I've probably cost your parents thousands of dollars today. It's something that I hate to admit too.
By and large, the older you get, the more you're going to realize that your parents were right. More and more-until finally, you become your parents. I know you're all saying, "Yeah, right." Mark my words.
Remember these ten things: if just one of them helps you helps just one of you, this speech will have been a success:
#10: Live off your parents as long as possible.
#9 Pursue joy, not happiness.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports.
#6: Continue to learn.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
#4: Don't get married too soon.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
Congratulations on your graduation. Thank you very much.

Why can't I just be..

mad. Why can't I just be the one upset in the relationship? Why can't it be the other person's fault? Why does it feel like I am the one that always feels like I have done something wrong? Why do I have to bend to other person's wants or desires? Why do always feel like the bad guy? I really just want to be mad and not permanently. I just want to be upset, angry maybe bitter when somebody says something to me that hurts me. But no when I start acting like I am hurt the other person's feelings become hurt and they make it feel like it is my fault then I find myself coddling to their wants and feelings because I dont want anybody to be upset on my account, and then my feelings are neglected and repressed. I just want to scream let it all, be done and move on, but most times that just doesn’t happen. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh like right now.

So lets rewind. I was bored on Sunday evening hanging out at A’s and I started looking at jobs out there. I came across a position that fit my skill set perfectly, so I decided to send in my resume with a pie-in-the-sky salary requirement thinking that a) maybe I will get lucky or b) I will never hear from them. So low and behold on Monday afternoon they call me. (I guess they were impressed) After a few days of phone tag, I end up getting in to talk to them on Wednesday evening. I actually spend an hour and half there just going over things and pretty much I have the job if I want it, but their offer is almost 10k lower than my original salary requirement but still more than what I am making now. So A was all excited about this job interview I had and I was too, hoping that maybe this would be another new chapter in my life, so on my way home its about a 45 minute drive there. I get A on the phone and we were discussing my options. The only real reason I am even thinking about taking a new position is because of career advancement. Currently in my present position I have hit a ceiling of sorts and do not see myself going much further in this company and I have expressed my desire about this to the CTO and I have started reading up on Systems Analysis so that is a possible avenue in my current company. And when I tell A about how I want to do Systems Analysis she is not supportive in the least, she really doesn’t think it’s a ‘good idea’ and I am not sure why. Maybe it is because that is what she currently is doing and she feels threatened that I may do a better job than her. Who knows, but it upsets me that she is not supportive in the least and wants me to be happy in what I am doing at work. It really only seems that she wants me to get the job that makes the most money so I can spend it on her. Damn you women… damn you all. So yeah I was fairly upset about this because something similar happened this past Friday evening when I told her that this is what the CTO and I discussed, and she made me feel the same way. Though I just shrugged it off as no big deal. But this time I had to say something about how she made me feel and pretty much I had to get off the phone. We exchanged a few text messages back and forth later that evening and things were not too hostile, but I do not know. Maybe this relationship is waning. We shall see.

But I wanted to get this all out this morning before she gets into work and is all cute and adorable and makes me forget that I just want to be mad for a little while. Ok.. exhale……

My Way...

I will let my budy Frank S. lead us into this next posting.... Regrets I've had a few But then again too few to mention I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption I planned each chartered course Each careful step along the by-way And more, much more than this I did it my way And then if my Buddy Borat was singing this it would end in NOT. Click hear for a refresher(Warning: Adult Content) Confused? I am sure you are. I got tagged by my only Blog buddy Sarah . First off Tag, honestly what a juvenile game. I think it is a perfect metaphor for our adult lives. We are something we don't want to be so we try to 'get rid' of it. It is different for everybody else some it is weight, some it is emotions, and others is just trying to get rid of an empty feeling inside of them. But no matter what IT is a lot of is are trying to get rid of it. Any ways, that is just my deep enlightenment in the world of Tag. As always I digress and I was tagged by Sarah to answer this question: What is the biggest regret of your life? Would you change it? Also, have you ever considered that you might actually not be like David Hasselhoff but more like Jack Lord when he was on Hawaii 5-O? That is where the nice little lyrical reference from Frank Sinatra comes in and the NOT joke by Borat. Unlike Frank I have had a lot of regrets or maybe I think I have regrets.

I thought about this a lot and there are some possibilities and probably the most glaring one that every one that knows would say would be getting married to who I did when I did, and that is definitely a regret I have. Though honestly I am not sure if I had to do it all over again that I wouldn't. I have learned so much about myself through this ordeal and I do not know if I could of learned it any other way. Though I think a major regret of mine is not being more outgoing. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I think that has led me to miss a lot of opportunities because of it. Just from a social aspect and possibly from a career aspect. So I think that is one of my biggest regrets and it is definitely something I am trying to work on in my life. I will keep you posted on how that goes..

Sometimes its the small things.. other times its the big things

Driving into work this morning I had another small epiphany, nothing too major not like I am going to cure cancer but I was driving to work at 7 am with my sunglasses ON. It is really not one of those things you think about it wearing sunglasses you just see this big ball of gas beating down on you from a million miles away and you instinctively put something over your eyes so you can actually see the 3 ton pieces of steel that are hurtling at you at 70 mphs on the freeway. But I thought about it and probably less than a month ago sunglasses in the morning would have been something I would have laughed at. It just seemed like I would have to drag my butt to work every morning in the pitch black and never see the sun until I’m comfortably settled in my cubicle at work. But not today my friends I had my sunglasses on and enjoying the sunshine at 7am. It was a wonderful way to start my Friday. Oh which leads me to wish everybody a Happy Cinco De Mayo. Put your party sombreros on and drink a Corona May 5th is a day everybody is Spanish and to think all those illegal immigrants say we don't appreciate them. Eh.. I did say something about big things in the title didn't I? Well I guess I should talk about it. (Warning: Rambling ahead) In my previous post I talked about saying that dirty four letter word to HER. So we have been saying it and honestly I do not know how I feel about it. What is love anyways? I sure as hell don't know and I will be the first to admit it. I really dont know if I should be saying I Love you to her or not. I think I should but who the hell knows. I think love is different for everybody you can not look it up in a medical dictionary see the symptoms and say yup thats me I am in Love. Now don't get me wrong. I really love being with her and love doing so many things with her, but how do I really know I am IN love with her. What have I gotten myself into? I went from one REALLY serious relationship to another pretty serious relationship. Now I am no no no no where close to getting down on one knee for this girl and who knows if I ever will for anybody after being married once already, but I really do like being with her. Though sometimes it feels like I am saying I love you just to make her happy and because it seems like thats the right thing I should do. And that is the thing that always gets me in trouble 'seems like right thing to do'. I think I always had in my mind of there was a set order to life like you had to do A to get to B in order to get to C. But now I think you can do A go to Z end up on H and never have to touch B or C. I am going to admit that A had me sucked into watching Grey's Anatomy last night and it gave a prime example of this: I dont know any of the people's names and I dont know any of the back story but in the end it showed these two women talking each supposedly in their late 30's one who was married, had a kid a successful job but now divorced and has 'never had any fun in her life' and another one who has a successful job a seemingly carefree and fun lifestyle but no family of her own and she is wanting to have a baby by artificial means. Both seem to be unhappy about how their life is going and they want what the other has but things on the surface are not always what they seem. Both seem to have a case of the 'grass is always greener' syndrome. And to be honest maybe that is what I am having with A, because I really dont know what is out there and how great I have it because I havent had enough time to swim in that ocean and get bitten by the other sharks out there. And it just always seemed like you grow up you go to school you graduate High school you go to college, graduate get a job and get married thats what you are 'suppose' to do, and that is what I did but that did not work out for me. I am not sure if I would change any of it, I have learned so much about myself and have learned to enjoy the small things in life and that is what I am doing right now. Like putting your sunglasses on in the morning.....

Thought for the day..

I found this deep thought/comment in an unlikely place and an unlikely time. So I was sitting in a dimly light bar enjoying a few frosty beverages for the local NBA playoff game, when I notice a this behind a sports commentator on a nightly show on ESPN. The quote was "I plan on being more spontaneous." I don't know why it caught my attention but it made me chuckle. Maybe its not funny or maybe it was just my sense of humor but the subtly of it made me laugh. I do enjoy play on words and puns immensely. Especially ones that sexual connotations to it. It really seems like I have a natural gift of turning anything innocent into something very x-rated. Though unfortunately(or fortunately depending on the reader) I do not have any examples at the moment. They seem to come easier to me when I am conversing with somebody usually a girl. (Oh wait play on words in the previous sentence) and there is no need to come up with any type of sexual deviations at the moment when talking to yourself. Thats kinda like foreplay with masturbation it just doesnt happen. So where am I going with this...nowhere in particular but I just thought I would throw a thought out there for everyone or more like ANYone to chew on.

Its only 2:52pm?!?!?

It really is amazing how your day can just come to a screeching halt sometimes. Not because of some cataclysmic event just more by the slow passage of time. Time really is the one true constant in life. It is always there it is always the same amount and there is nothing you can do to stop it, slow it or even make it go faster though sometimes personal perception effects that. I endlessly search my buddy list some days looking someone to chat with, and when I can find no one after repeated attempts then I know it is time for a post. Not really sure where we will go with this post but lets see where we end up. Hope on kiddies and enjoy the ride. It really was another good weekend just all around. I spend Friday night at home alone, and sometimes that is what I love the best. As cold and heartless as that may sound to A, I really do just enjoy my time alone just to sit around watch some TV, with my hand down my pants, as I like to put it. Don't get me wrong I really enjoy my Human contact, but sometimes I like to be a hermit and be secluded from the outside world. I did watch the movie Deja Vu with Denzel Washington. I would give it a 3.75 star rating out of 5. It is a good pop corn flick if you do not want to think too much and like the whole 'time travel' thing. Then Saturday came and renewed sense of vigor came over me. I went to the composting facility and got a truck load of mulch that I was planning on placing around my house on Sunday(more on that later), had a good work out(added 10 lbs to my weight circuit), and I eventually made it up to A's to enjoy the NFL draft and a particular NBA team winning performance at a local pub. It really was just a bar, but I like saying pub because that is what those British people say. But anywho, had a great time at the bar with A and her friends, got totally toasted(Thank you: 32oz draft Miller Lites) Though in the process of my drinking I did win a couple of t-shirts and an autograph jersey from one of players on the team, which I thought was very cool. So after a 12 hour 'nap' into the next morning. I awake and find out that at some point during the prior evening that I agreed to go to the local MLB baseball team home game, which threw off my plans for a yard work filled Sunday though I can not complain, it was a beautiful day for a game and they won so you could not ask for much more. After the game A and I hit the bike trail for a 29 mile jaunt which was quite enjoyable.

Wow what a boring post, I am surprised if anybody made it through that dribble, especially after the ringing endorsement I received from my buddy over at Looking for Me. Oh well read some of my previous posts and you may enjoy those all the same. At least I gave you a little peak into my life.

Though I will provide some of this for enjoyment: The World's Smallest Dog (and I am not kidding)

Back when..

More about these pictures in a minute, but here is some background as to how I came about them. It is amazing sometimes where you start and where you end up. I suppose the ending is here posting these images in my blog and hence an entire post, but lets see how we got there.

Lately, I feel like I have been in a rut, not a deep one mind you but one none the less. Maybe I have always been in this rut and since A came along she made me forget about the rut and I have been able to enjoy life, and don’t get me wrong I really do enjoy life but now maybe A is becoming more part of this rut and the rut is becoming more evident.

It all started this morning when I started watching movie trailers on Yahoo and I came across a trailer for the movie In the Land of WomenIn the Land of Women (click the link to see the trailer). I was checking it out because I thought it would be some kind of Hot woman island yadda yadda, but alas I was on the wrong site for that if you know what I mean, but the trailer seem to suck me in just because it made me think about just picking and letting go of your past life and moving on to something new. Now it probably never works in the movies and you wont have some hot blonde chick your neighbor who instantly falls in love with you, but wouldn’t it be nice?

So anyways…

You see I have always had this deep seeded fantasy to just sell everything I own pack up and move to the Caribbean. Though this probably not feasible I think it would a fun way to live your life if not for just a few years. Just go live on the beach and get some meaningless job to pay the bills for a small cabana on a tropical island. Far fetched? You bet! Is it possible, sure, but I am not sure if it as good as it sounds. So I share this long dream with my resident psycho online therapist friend and after a chat we determine that my life needs some sort of change maybe not as drastic as moving to some far off island nation but definitely something. Though luckily I am at a point in my life that I can necessitate this change, I am in the midst of trying to sell my house, and hopefully once I do I can move and this leads to the change in my life that I am seeking. Since my house has been on the market I have been scoping out places where to live and there are really a bunch of different choices. Currently I drive about 50 minutes to an hour each way for work so naturally I want to move closer, but the question is how close. My current employment has me downtown of a major metropolitan area. (My office is one of those buildings above). So like I said there are tons of choices from yuppie suburbs to trendy outskirts of town to actual downtown. Now of course there are pros and cons to all of these, but I finally made up my mind that I want to live directly down town. Yeah it will be more expensive and I will probably have to give up some of my freedoms of a homeowner but I think it will be worth it to have a different type of interaction with people and community. I plan on only living here for a year maybe two just to get a different perspective on life in general and maybe open up some new avenues in my life, and make my life feel less like a rut.

We are getting to about the pictures trust me....

So I decided to do some searching as to the best place for me to live and searching for 'my future' home. I meander the never ending halls of internet until I reach a forum with some relevant information on my search but then I stumble upon this thread and it shows all these pictures of past life in our city. There were many pictures of life back in the ‘good ole days’ but I picked this one just because my current office is in the picture and it is just really neat to see something over 60 years ago and how much things have and have not changed.

Sadly to say the city now is not like it once was with bustling streets and a vibrant shopping district, but certain parts are making a comeback( the parts where I want to live of course) The black and white picture shows a main st of the city with the hustle and bustle of 1940's life. I can imagine people taking in a Broadway like show in one of the many theaters and then spending the rest of a sunlight Sunday afternoon window shopping at all the different boutiques. The second picture is a picture from surprising a very similar angle, and you can see the buildings have not changed much but the depiction of life has with people worrying about just getting from point a to point b with all the offices downtown are more for the 9 to 5ers instead of place to bring your kids downtown on a Sunday. Though surprising the city is trying to revitalize this street and eventually they are going to try to put in a similar trolley/bus line similar from the black and white photo. I will try to keep you updated.

Like I said isnt it amazing where you end up sometimes. I got from point a to point b, but would of never expected an entire blog post from it.

Wow Time Flies...

Wow it is already Thursday. I have been absent from my blog for an entire week. Alas I am back same person as I was before. Not much going on. Had a wonderful weekend this past weekend. The weather was just absolutely beautiful out. It really is amazing how your attitude changes when the weather is nice out. A and I did so much this weekend. We ended up biking 95 miles in total. We did a nice long ride of 40 miles on Saturday. It was longest ride I have ever done and probably could of done many more miles. It really is amazes me how much I have changed physically over the past year. Just to give you some comparison last year at this time. I would be a struggle for me to do 12 miles total, so I have pretty much tripled my output. Also during the weekend, we got in a movie Blades of Glory. A had free passes so we decided to go. It was definitely a classic Will Ferrell movie, not as great Talladega Nights or Anchor Man but definitely one that can go in the DVD collection. Then we ended up going downtown to have a few drinks with some of A's friends it was nice. We got a pitcher of Sangria for $30 and I ended up drinking most of that, with that and parking for $8 it was a lil pricey night. It is so expensive to go out downtown, and to think I want to move there. Then we rounded out our weekend with a NBA playoff game. Our team won so that just put an exclamation point at the end of our great weekend. One other exciting note from the weekend is I finally said that dirty four letter L word to HER. I have actually been holding it back a while and wanted to say it for a while but never found the right 'moment' to say it, It never felt right and its not something you can say in IM or a text message. Though through the magic of TV a show shed some light on why you should not hold back saying the L word. Just to sum up what I learn is if you feel something for somebody you should not hold it back just because you are scared because you never know when you may never get the chance to say it. Our lives are so fragile on this earth that you need to say what you feel because you never know when your time here will end. And though actually I did say it one night in bed as we were falling asleep.. I said something along the lines of 'love you, goodnight' but got no response from her so a) she didnt feel right saying it back or b) didn't hear me. Saying I love you and not having somebody respond to it may be worse than going in for a kiss and not being kissed back. Also its not like something you can say "Hey did you hear me?" so its one of those things that I had to get over and honestly it was not much for me to get over but at least I said it , but finally before passing out from a drunken stupor on Saturday night she finally said it and I gladly responded. It seems we are still very hesitant to use it with each other and I am not sure why but I think it carries more meaning when we say it to each other now instead of ending every conversation, text, or IM with i love you, which is nice. Lesson from this story: If you love somebody tell them even if it scares you!

This week has flown by so fast, we went to another NBA playoff game on Wednesday and had a great time. We spent about 4 hours before the game drinking and a local watering hole where we were joined by two of her friends, so we had a great time sitting drinking and talking. We continued drinking at the game, it really is amazing how much they will rake you over the coals for drinks at any kind of event. $6 bucks for a beer. I can get a whole friggin 6 pack for that. So alas only had a couple drinks at the game and that was enough to keep my buzz going.

Wow I have so much to talk about and it feels like I do not want to ramble on and on about non sense but here are some highlights.

I think I finally got my car sold, well my parents got my car sold for me. Which is good because I had a payment due in May and I dont know where I was going to get money to pay for that, so hopefully all goes well and I will depart from 'my baby' soon payment book included. Its amazing how time passes. I have been separated from my ex for close to 7 months and still trying to get things straight in my life. Now if I could get somebody to buy my house I would be golden. Lesson in this one kids: Don't get married until you are 30, unless you have a good reason like a green card is involved or you have a terminal illness.

I hate owning a house. home ownership is great, you can do what you want and you only have yourself to answer to, but when stuff breaks then YOU have to pay and fix it. Right now I have water heater that is leaking and a lawn mower that goes about 10 feet before it shuts off. I guess if I look on the bright side of things I still have hot water, and I am getting a work out from pull starting that thing every 2 minutes. Lesson: Only by a house if you are a handy man, know a handy many or one of your parents who still like you are handy people.

Now I dont claim to be a fan of American Idol, but A loves to watch it and it is on Tuesday night when TV is horrendous anyways since no other show has the balls to go up against it, so I am coheres into watching it. But I really think they are getting too big for themselves when they start doing this Idol gives back non-sense, do they think they are going to be a new kind of religion or something, and then they have the nerve to say since this was a charity show we can't vote anybody off. Even though two will be voted off next week I think LaKisha and her gap should of been gone long ago. Lesson: Everybody has 2 cents to put in about American Idol.

Ok exhale...

After writing this it sounds more like rants than highlights, so I apologize for anybody having to read this.

I promise more sooner than later.

What type of lettuce do you perfer?

Now this may only be me, but the other day I was making a sandwich for my lunch at work (I always do this the night before) and I always have to have lettuce my sandwiches and usually I just throw some random lettuce on there and be done with it but I had just opened a fresh bag of lettuce and I got my pick. And for some reason I just love the crunchy almost white lettuce you know the type the kind almost in the middle of a head of lettuce. So I finish up my lunch and don’t think much about it until yesterday when I had my sandwich and I said to myself 'Wow what a mighty good sandwich' and then that’s when I remember about my favorite type of lettuce I don't know what it is about it, but it just makes my sandwich taste so much better. What was the point of the last few lines? Oh I don’t know it could be total rambling and maybe I am going on the FBI's watch list because I am raving about the type of lettuce I like, but it just makes you think about the small things in life that make it all that much better. Would I have had just as nice day if I didn’t have 'that' kind of lettuce? Of course, but then I wouldn't of had anything to start my blog about. I guess it is my spin on 'stopping and smelling the roses' maybe stop and think today what simple stupid things you like in life.

Well I did not expect that topic to cover so much space but alas it did. The weekend is fast approaching and for once it looks like it is going to be a beautiful weekend here in northeast southwest rural suburbia... Ha gotcha you thought I was going to divulge the secret identity of my hide out. But alas you still do not know, but anyways yes it appears to be a grand weekend in store for the area which means time to get the bicycle out. I am hopeful to get 3 good rides in this weekend, and hopefully A will be with me, she loves cycling just as much as I do which is great. I honestly totally agree with the line: "A couple that plays together, stays together" It is so enjoyable to have somebody who shares almost all the same interests as you, so you are both off doing different things. I believe 'playing' together keeps the relationship renewed and invigorated. I can just see a total difference between my past relationship and this one and how this one feels so much more healthy for me.

It really is amazing what a difference a year makes. Last year at this time I was probably close to 75lbs over weight married and totally miserable. The only daily enjoyment I really found in my life was flirting with a married woman here at work. Is that wrong? I am sure some would say yes and some would say it is harmless, because nothing came of it which is probably for the best and we are still good friends and still work together so I guess as of now we can say it has not ended badly. But now I am only 15 lbs over weight (still working on that part) divorced and have a younger (haha) wonderful girlfriend who we share almost all the same interests. Even though we it has only been 'roughly' six months and still enjoying the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship I feel like a totally different person then I did a year ago. So all I will say what a difference a year makes. It just reminds me of memorable line for a country song, yes I said country (like I said damn ex's) but the quote is 'And if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans' It just seems like most times you don’t end up where you thought you were going at least for me.

Now for your daily dose of funniness: Pegging Co-Worker with Skittles Pay attention to the guy on the right hand side in the middle. Which person do you think you are at work? The person throwing the stuff, the person retaliating or the people sitting around watching it happen? Yes I am trying to make a metaphor of life out of this stupid clip. Think about it ;-) More soon Kids!

Randomness...

Randomness

I love Mt Dew, though I have been drinking it mostly in the diet version for the past year. Drink tip: Mt Dew and Triple Sec = Mountain Sex

I don’t have a regular phone I only have a cell phone, is that normal?

I like my toilet paper over and not under.

I like free food, even if I don’t need it or am not hungry. For example just now a co-worker placed 100 calorie packs of Doritos in the lunch room and I just took a handful whatever a handful may be and I have very big hands so I ended up with 6 packs, that’s not right.

You know what they say about guys with big hands…

(its hard to find gloves)

I have a perverted sense of humor, and I can almost turn anything PG related into something perverted.

I have over 200 people on my AIM list 95% I never speak to anymore, I just like to leave them on my list to a) feel like I have friends b) read away messages and c) see if they ever get online again.

I love the History channel. If there is nothing else on tv you can ALWAYS turn it on the History Channel and find something to watch for at least 10 minutes.

My favorite spice is Italian Seasoning.

I love puns and play on words especially sexual ones, but most of the time they are just lame or stupid.

I secretly have man crushes on Kiefer Sutherland and Chris Daughtry.

I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone and that the Moon Landing was real.

Who ever thought button fly jeans were a good idea?

I do not think it’s a bad thing to keep your young kids on a leash much like pets.

I love the sound of rain on the roof and the wind blowing on a cold snowy night.

Sometimes its fun to be ‘those’ people.

Stores should not be allowed to put out decorations for major holidays until all other major holidays have passed. For example putting Christmas decorations out in September, you still have Columbus Day Veterans day and Black Friday.

I love riding escalators.

I believe that if you are on welfare and don’t have a job then you can do jobs like pumping gas and cleaning up highways. I mean do something instead of trying to figure out if you can pay for your cigarettes with food stamps.

I like checking out other girls and admittedly I will do it sometimes when I am with my girlfriend but most of the time I say wow my girlfriend is hotter than that.

I wish I had Jimmy Buffet’s life.

I want to make a sex video and have it leak on the internet.

I would not mind if the weather was 70 and sunny everyday and it snowed only on Christmas Eve and Christmas.

MySpace is overrated even if I do have an account.

I don’t mind whistling Barry Manilow Songs.

I re-wash clothes just so I don’t have to iron them.

People driving the speed limit in the left lane of a highway piss me off.

I’ve never been to a strip club.

I love driving with the windows down and the sun roof open.

I am always looking for acceptance from everybody.

If there is an S at the end of the word I will pronounce it, so there are plenty of IroquoiS in IllinoiS

I admit it I have been to a Weird Al Yankovic concert.

I use Yahoo instead of Google.

What a difference 24 hours make

Well here we day 2 and still no Heartburn oh wait this isnt a Prilosec OTC commercial and yes some of my references can be lame and absurd, but I figure if it makes me laugh maybe just maybe somebody out there can laugh along with me. But yes day 2 and another posting, I know somebody out there is anxiously awaiting another post, so here it is.
So after my last post which I posted during the early hours of work I was feeling great and feeling great for most of the day until lunch time and then things started to go downhill. After lunch I had this pain in my stomach, and it just did not subside, but I continued on my daily routine. The pain for the most part went away and I tried to get a work out in which was only 5.5 miles which is shorter than my normal 7.5 miles that I usually run, but some work out is better than none right? I did make it up to my lovely girlfriend's (for the future we will call her A) apartment in time for her to make some dinner and we could sit down and watch Survivor, though I was not that hungry I decided to pig out like I normally do and then pain returned with more ferocity (is that a word?.. well you get the point) So I lay in pain on the couch trying to enjoy some CSI but to no avail. Finally A goes and gets some meds for me which doesn’t have an immediate effect, but needless to say it was a rough night last night but fortunately I have made a steady recovery which is good because today is Billy Joel. A purchased tickets back in January and has anxiously awaited the concert for a while but my illness placed our plans in limbo but at this point it seems like I should be will enough to attend. Though to be honest I have not been a huge Billy Joel fan though one of my favorite songs would have to be Piano Man but I have been listening to his CDs and I have to say I should definitely enjoy the show tonight. I know I know not an exciting post maybe it is just my mood right now but a lil more than an hour of work remains then its time for the weekend and isn't that what we all are working for?
I do have one link to share with you. I find this clip very funny maybe it is because my dad is an avid fisherman and there were many Saturday mornings that were taken up by fishing shows instead of cartoons, but still if you can't chuckle at some of these then you are a sad sad sad person...
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=22871

On the edge of greatness?

Probably not the edge of greatness, but it sounds good in theory right? So here we are my first blog entry of my first ever blog. Well let me take that back I suppose I did make an entry or two on my MySpace account but those don't count and I would like to take a mulligan for those entries. So here we are a vast space of nothingness, but hopefully soon it will be full of something. What is that something going to be? Who knows really. I decided to start this as some therapy. A blog of total anonymity. A blog about one mans life the whole life no secrets, no lies, no hiding. Everybody has secrets some big, some small and I am willing to put it all out there for anybody to read. Putting it all out there with no fear of judgment or reprisal. I have decided to write this blog as if you got in your car and had no idea where you were going you just decided to make a left here and a right there and we will see where we end up. Will I end up with something meaningful and life altering? Maybe? Will I end up with a cluster fuck? More than likely.
Just take one moment and think for a minute does anybody know you fully? Does anybody know what makes you so well that they know makes you tick? Well if you do good for you. I know for a fact that nobody in my life knows me fully. My family knows part about me, my friends know parts about me, my ex knows parts about me and even current girlfriend knows parts about me but nobody knows the whole story. I am going to steal a quote from Shrek but sometimes I feel my life is like an onion and you have to get through the layers to get to know me, and sometimes I can make you cry. There is only one person that I know that has even tried getting through a lot of these layers to get to know me, and she is the only person that knows about the existence of this blog. (Who doesn't like getting props in another blog?)
With all of that being said, everything stated here is fact only the names have been changed to make it more fun?
I am sure I will reveal more in my upcoming entries, but we can start with some very general basics. I am a male and yes I will post male things good or bad and if you don't like that then you don't have to read it. I at no point in this blog will claim I am a Saint. I am just a person and have faults like everybody else. I am just writing them down now and maybe seeing it in black and white will help me change to be a different (better?) person. I am between the ages of 25-50 and I am sure if you read long enough you will be able to narrow down my age if you are perceptive enough. I am NOT an English major NOR do I play one on TV, so if you are bothered by my using of affect and effect or set and sit or lay and lie, then I apologize right now. Though I am pretty sure I know what a lie is. I live in the United States of America where the last time I checked free speech was still an amendment, but I will not digress into the Imus situation at this point. Yeah I think that is all you need to know about me at this point. Well the nothingness is nothingness no more. Maybe I shall post more today, but I wanted to introduce myself to the blogging world. so HERE I AM world. Take me as I am.