As I sit out on my back patio the breeze still nips at my knees. Thankfully the sun is warm enough to make the outside enjoyable. The dark clouds roll along out over the lake at the pending thunderstorms and the inevitable weather change that will occur over night. I sit here and ponder my life. I have been through so much and so little in the years I have been on this planet. It makes me wonder what exactly am I looking for, where I am and where I will be.
I like living here just moved in a few months ago but it is really nice, and it is hard to believe just a few months ago I would of given it up for a silly girl. Relationships are so funny and mysterious. One moment you can be in love or at least think you are in love and then the pangs of reality set in. The things you thought were cute and could look past in the inevitable puppy love stages of a relationship turn into the things that wear on you the most. And the things you thought were so silly so inconsequential turn into the very items that rip a relationship to the fundamentals.
I have been through alot the past few years and maybe I just put up a good facade of being strong and not letting anybody in past a certain level. I would say there is nobody in my life that knows the entire story. There are people that know bits and pieces and maybe if you put all their stories together then you would have the full picture, but not one person. And why is that? Do I do it to keep me from getting hurt, from letting one person have too much power and control over me, or do I just like keeping secrets. I think there is alot in my past that I have to deal and confront before moving forward. Moving forward and truly letting somebody in to know who the real person is... the real me is. Will I ever be able to find the one person that understands me who GETS me and who doesnt want to change me to mold me into what they want. I do not know.
Life is a journey and not a destination. I have spent too many years just being the window shopper or letting somebody else lead my life. It is time I take control and do what I want and experience what I want to experience. I will not be fully fulfilled until I do it. I may be leaving some great things behind me, but living with the deep seeded feeling of regret is much harder cross to bear than leaving somebody you think you love behind....
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
1/11/2008
I sit here alone in the quietness of my house. Nothing except for the furnace blowing the warm air that is my only consolation at the moment. Why do I get like this, why do I let myself get worked up over small matters, sometimes it’s the perfect storm, something goes wrong, then another, and then it’s the final straw that breaks the back and sends me into a coma like state, moving through my motions feel down and despair but continuing with normal life. This is the first time I have wrote words on how I feel at moments like this. Time will only tell if it will heal how I feel.
Why do I work, what am I doing here? I work so hard to try to better myself to get to better places to get a better salary? But is that what I am really looking for? Or am I just looking for some kind of acceptance. Something to put me at piece with my inner self, will my inner self ever be happy if I receive the acceptance or will I just go on longing for more. I see parallels in my professional life as my personal life. I am always looking for what I am missing and not grateful for what I am not. I have a beautiful house, all new furniture, a brand new tv but yet when I see it I see what I am missing. I do not have curtains, a futon for the extra and other miscellaneous items that need taken care of. To the average passerby probably would not know the difference but to me it does. So what happens when that curtains are hung? Then what? I am sure I will find something else to worry about. I have a wonderful job. I have a great salary and where I work is great. But still I long, long for something more. I feel that I am not recognized for what I do, and granted it really is not a job that brings in the big sale, it’s the job that saves the big sale from going elsewhere. Its hard to put that into numbers and hence harder to put any intangible value on it. If I left would they miss me? Of course, would they replace me of course and move right on, just like all the other ‘invaluable’ employees that left. Yet the offers that are made to me for new positions are well below my standards and I feel I have earned my right to be looked at for much better jobs. Alas my value may not translate well onto paper and hence the rejection.
And then she didn’t answer the phone, the one person I needed to talk to, the one person who could make me feel better about it, the sound of her voice so sassy yet so reassuring would put me at easy and make me know the reasons for the way I feel , though she would never give me false hope and say everything will be ok, instead she would give me suggestions on how to fix. That’s what I love about her, she doesn’t sugar coat it, or hide behind lies when she does not know what to do. Though I have not seen her when she doesn’t know what to do, so that could be different, but so far there is so much to her , she feels like a classic novel every word important but having its own meaning to the reader, leaving you wanting more, leaving you to re-read the book looking for something you missed or a new meaning to the words. Never wanting to put it down or relinquish it to anybody because the meanings behind the words are only meant for you. But alas she did not answer when I called every day we have our cell phone rendezvous, some days the conversations are pointless but we still have them and just this one day. I needed it so very badly she did not answer, of course she has a good reason and I respect it. Will I let her know how badly I needed her to answer the phone? That is hard to say, part of me wants to hold it inside of me and be the strong man not showing no faults, but she knows me already in such a short time she knows I have faults so I should not hide this from her. We will see how that goes.
Writing is therapeutic I feel the emptiness and dread just leaving me through my fingers to keyboard. Such a cleansing experience. *exhale*
Why do I work, what am I doing here? I work so hard to try to better myself to get to better places to get a better salary? But is that what I am really looking for? Or am I just looking for some kind of acceptance. Something to put me at piece with my inner self, will my inner self ever be happy if I receive the acceptance or will I just go on longing for more. I see parallels in my professional life as my personal life. I am always looking for what I am missing and not grateful for what I am not. I have a beautiful house, all new furniture, a brand new tv but yet when I see it I see what I am missing. I do not have curtains, a futon for the extra and other miscellaneous items that need taken care of. To the average passerby probably would not know the difference but to me it does. So what happens when that curtains are hung? Then what? I am sure I will find something else to worry about. I have a wonderful job. I have a great salary and where I work is great. But still I long, long for something more. I feel that I am not recognized for what I do, and granted it really is not a job that brings in the big sale, it’s the job that saves the big sale from going elsewhere. Its hard to put that into numbers and hence harder to put any intangible value on it. If I left would they miss me? Of course, would they replace me of course and move right on, just like all the other ‘invaluable’ employees that left. Yet the offers that are made to me for new positions are well below my standards and I feel I have earned my right to be looked at for much better jobs. Alas my value may not translate well onto paper and hence the rejection.
And then she didn’t answer the phone, the one person I needed to talk to, the one person who could make me feel better about it, the sound of her voice so sassy yet so reassuring would put me at easy and make me know the reasons for the way I feel , though she would never give me false hope and say everything will be ok, instead she would give me suggestions on how to fix. That’s what I love about her, she doesn’t sugar coat it, or hide behind lies when she does not know what to do. Though I have not seen her when she doesn’t know what to do, so that could be different, but so far there is so much to her , she feels like a classic novel every word important but having its own meaning to the reader, leaving you wanting more, leaving you to re-read the book looking for something you missed or a new meaning to the words. Never wanting to put it down or relinquish it to anybody because the meanings behind the words are only meant for you. But alas she did not answer when I called every day we have our cell phone rendezvous, some days the conversations are pointless but we still have them and just this one day. I needed it so very badly she did not answer, of course she has a good reason and I respect it. Will I let her know how badly I needed her to answer the phone? That is hard to say, part of me wants to hold it inside of me and be the strong man not showing no faults, but she knows me already in such a short time she knows I have faults so I should not hide this from her. We will see how that goes.
Writing is therapeutic I feel the emptiness and dread just leaving me through my fingers to keyboard. Such a cleansing experience. *exhale*
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Blogging is like....
masturbating. Probably at least in a guys world. I will get to my reasoning in a minute, but I want to say.. WATCH out.. two entries in one day for me? What is the world coming to. But anywho back to my deep philosophical entry.
So I really like reading some blogs and it is so nice to go through the blogs and find new entries. And there are a few peoples I read that are very diligent, so as you can see I was very bored today at work so I decided to look at the linked blogs of the blogs I read. That sounds really confusing, all I mean is just the favorite blogs of my favorite blogs. So I start clicking links and notice that not alot are updated which kinda sucks but I can't complain since the last entry I had was back in May, but anyways now you can suck it.. You have two entries, even though I dont really think anybody reads this, but anywho.
Ok ok so blogging is like masturbating...
So after I was checking these out I ran out of things to do, so I decided to make an entry and hence my first entry of the day. And the one person I know does read mine was excited about it, so that got me to thinking. In the bathroom non the less, usually where most brillant ideas come from, but I thought that blogging is like masturbating(at least for guys) and here is why:
Usually when you masturbate it is a good release you feel better once you do it. When you blog you release your ideas and when you masturbate well you get the idea.
Usually when you are masturbating you do it alone, much like blogging.
Alot of people masturbate and blog but really rarely talk about it... unless you are somebody famous.
Usually you do it everyday and if you dont do it for few days then you start to miss it.. and you start to feel things build up inside you. Am I talking about blogging or masturbating? You decide.
Though once you dont do it for an extended time you become disinterested or feel the urge anymore.
So anyways I thought I would share...
And yes I know I have a very warped mind.
So I really like reading some blogs and it is so nice to go through the blogs and find new entries. And there are a few peoples I read that are very diligent, so as you can see I was very bored today at work so I decided to look at the linked blogs of the blogs I read. That sounds really confusing, all I mean is just the favorite blogs of my favorite blogs. So I start clicking links and notice that not alot are updated which kinda sucks but I can't complain since the last entry I had was back in May, but anyways now you can suck it.. You have two entries, even though I dont really think anybody reads this, but anywho.
Ok ok so blogging is like masturbating...
So after I was checking these out I ran out of things to do, so I decided to make an entry and hence my first entry of the day. And the one person I know does read mine was excited about it, so that got me to thinking. In the bathroom non the less, usually where most brillant ideas come from, but I thought that blogging is like masturbating(at least for guys) and here is why:
Usually when you masturbate it is a good release you feel better once you do it. When you blog you release your ideas and when you masturbate well you get the idea.
Usually when you are masturbating you do it alone, much like blogging.
Alot of people masturbate and blog but really rarely talk about it... unless you are somebody famous.
Usually you do it everyday and if you dont do it for few days then you start to miss it.. and you start to feel things build up inside you. Am I talking about blogging or masturbating? You decide.
Though once you dont do it for an extended time you become disinterested or feel the urge anymore.
So anyways I thought I would share...
And yes I know I have a very warped mind.
What I want...
Right now I want more than anything just somebody to talk to somebody new and refreshing, somebody new in my world, somebody who has different views, has done different things, has lived a different life. I love learning about new people, where they have come in life, where they are now and where they want to go. That is all I want somebody to talk to, somebody to get to know from scratch. I know have HER but I talk to her all day. I feel like I know just about everything about her. Granted we are going through life together right now and making new memories together, there is nothing to talk about nothing to converse. *sigh* all I long for right now is some conversation.
It always seems like since college I have grown apart from many of my friends and its not on purpose, it just happens, you get jobs in different cities, you get married, you have kids. In general just life happens, but my problem was that my life happened too and I did not make new friends so after my divorce that just leaves me. Well me and HER and dont get me wrong I love HER, but variety is the spice of life and I need variety in my interactions. I even go through old emails like old old trying to find people I have not talked to in ages to maybe rekindled a lost friendship, or even stalking on myspace to find old or new friends but who wants to talk to a myspace stalker? I am guy and guys only want one thing right? Or so women think....
So what else am I to do about that? Who knows, I will just write and complain about it on here. Not like anybody reads this anyways, since I haven't blogged here in forever. So I guess even with my pitty party I will be all alone too. :-)
It always seems like since college I have grown apart from many of my friends and its not on purpose, it just happens, you get jobs in different cities, you get married, you have kids. In general just life happens, but my problem was that my life happened too and I did not make new friends so after my divorce that just leaves me. Well me and HER and dont get me wrong I love HER, but variety is the spice of life and I need variety in my interactions. I even go through old emails like old old trying to find people I have not talked to in ages to maybe rekindled a lost friendship, or even stalking on myspace to find old or new friends but who wants to talk to a myspace stalker? I am guy and guys only want one thing right? Or so women think....
So what else am I to do about that? Who knows, I will just write and complain about it on here. Not like anybody reads this anyways, since I haven't blogged here in forever. So I guess even with my pitty party I will be all alone too. :-)
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Hindsight
The following was giving by Guy Kawasaki at a High School Graduation.. some of these just gave me goosebumps.
Palo Alto High School
Guy Kawasaki
Baccalaureate Speech 6/11/95
Speaking to you today marks a milestone in my life. I am 40 years old. 22 years ago, when I was in your seat, I never, ever thought I would be 40 years old.
The implications of being your speaker frightens me. For one thing, when a 40 year old geeser spoke at my baccalaureate ceremony, he was about the last person I'd believe. I have no intention of giving you the boring speech that you are dreading. This speech will be short, sweet, and not boring.
I am going to talk about hindsights today. Hindsights that I've accumulated in the 20 years from where you are to where I am. Don't blindly believe me. Don't take what I say as "truth." Just listen. Perhaps my experience can help you out a tiny bit.
I will present them ala David Letterman. Yes, 40-year old people can still stay up past 11.
#10: Live off your parents as long as possible.
When I spoke at this ceremony two years ago, this was the most popular hindsight-except from the point of view of the parents. Thus, I knew I was on the right track.
I was a diligent Oriental in high school and college. I took college-level classes and earned college-level credits. I rushed through college in 3 1/2 years. I never traveled or took time off because I thought it wouldn't prepare me for work and it would delay my graduation.
Frankly, I blew it.
You are going to work the rest of your lives, so don't be in a rush to start. Stretch out your college education. Now is the time to suck life into your lungs-before you have a mortgage, kids, and car payments.
Take whole semesters off to travel overseas. Take jobs and internships that pay less money or no money. Investigate your passions on your parent's nickel. Or dime. Or quarter. Or dollar. Your goal should be to extend college to at least six years.
Delay, as long as possible, the inevitable entry into the workplace and a lifetime of servitude to bozos who know less than you do, but who make more money. Also, you shouldn't deprive your parents of the pleasure of supporting you.
#9 Pursue joy, not happiness.
This is probably the hardest lesson of all to learn. It probably seems to you that the goal in life is to be "happy." Oh, you may be have sacrifice and study and work hard, but, by and large, happiness should be predictable.
Nice house. Nice car. Nice material things. Take my word for it, happiness is temporary and fleeting. Joy, by contrast, is unpredictable. It comes from pursing interests and passions that do not obviously result in happiness.
Pursuing joy, not happiness will translate into one thing over the next few years for you: Study what you love. This may also not be popular with parents. When I went to college, I was "marketing driven." It's also an Oriental thing.
I looked at what fields had the greatest job opportunities and prepared myself for them. This was brain dead. There are so many ways to make a living in the world, it doesn't matter that you've taken all the "right" courses. I don't think one person on the original Macintosh team had a classic "computer science" degree.
You parents have a responsibility in this area. Don't force your kids to follow in your footsteps or to live your dreams. My father was a senator in Hawaii. His dream was to be a lawyer, but he only had a high school education. He wanted me to be a lawyer.
For him, I went to law school. For me, I quit after two weeks. I view this a terrific validation of my inherent intelligence.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make in life is to accept the known and resist the unknown. You should, in fact, do exactly the opposite: challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
Let me tell you a short story about ice. In the late 1800s there was a thriving ice industry in the Northeast. Companies would cut blocks of ice from frozen lakes and ponds and sell them around the world. The largest single shipment was 200 tons that was shipped to India. 100 tons got there unmelted, but this was enough to make a profit.
These ice harvesters, however, were put out of business by companies that invented mechanical ice makers. It was no longer necessary to cut and ship ice because companies could make it in any city during any season.
These ice makers, however, were put out of business by refrigerator companies. If it was convenient to make ice at a manufacturing plant, imagine how much better it was to make ice and create cold storage in everyone's home.
You would think that the ice harvesters would see the advantages of ice making and adopt this technology. However, all they could think about was the known: better saws, better storage, better transportation.
Then you would think that the ice makers would see the advantages of refrigerators and adopt this technology. The truth is that the ice harvesters couldn't embrace the unknown and jump their curve to the next curve.
Challenge the known and embrace the unknown, or you'll be like the ice harvester and ice makers.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports.
Learn a foreign language. I studied Latin in high school because I thought it would help me increase my vocabulary. It did, but trust me when I tell you it's very difficult to have a conversation in Latin today other than at the Vatican. And despite all my efforts, the Pope has yet to call for my advice. Learn to play a musical instrument. My only connection to music today is that I was named after Guy Lombardo. Trust me: it's better than being named after Guy's brother, Carmen. Playing a musical instrument could be with me now and stay with me forever. Instead, I have to buy CDs at Tower.
I played football. I loved football. Football is macho. I was a middle linebacker-arguably, one of the most macho position in a macho game. But you should also learn to play a non-contact sport like basketball or tennis. That is, a sport you can play when you're over the hill.
It will be as difficult when you're 40 to get twenty two guys together in a stadium to play football as it is to have a conversation in Latin, but all the people who wore cute, white tennis outfits can still play tennis. And all the macho football players are sitting around watching television and drinking beer.
#6: Continue to learn.
Learning is a process not an event. I thought learning would be over when I got my degree. It's not true. You should never stop learning. Indeed, it gets easier to learn once you're out of school because it's easier to see the relevance of why you need to learn.
You're learning in a structured, dedicated environment right now. On your parent's nickel. But don't confuse school and learning. You can go to school and not learn a thing. You can also learn a tremendous amount without school.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
I know a forty year old woman who was a drug addict. She is a mother of three. She traced the start of her drug addiction to smoking dope in high school.
I'm not going to lecture you about not taking drugs. Hey, I smoked dope in high school. Unlike Bill Clinton, I inhaled. Also unlike Bill Clinton, I exhaled.
This woman told me that she started taking drugs because she hated herself when she was sober. She did not like drugs so much as much as she hated herself. Drugs were not the cause though she thought they were the solution.
She turned her life around only after she realized that she was in a downward spiral. Fix your problem. Fix your life. Then you won't need to take drugs. Drugs are neither the solution nor the problem.
Frankly, smoking, drugs, alcohol-and using an IBM PC-are signs of stupidity. End of discussion.
#4: Don't get married too soon.
I got married when I was 32. That's about the right age. Until you're about that age, you may not know who you are. You also may not know who you're marrying.
I don't know one person who got married too late. I know many people who got married too young. If you do decide to get married, just keep in mind that you need to accept the person for what he or she is right now.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
Playing to win is one of the finest things you can do. It enables you to fulfill your potential. It enables you to improve the world and, conveniently, develop high expectations for everyone else too.
And what if you lose? Just make sure you lose while trying something grand. Avinash Dixit, an economics professor at Princeton, and Barry Nalebuff, an economics and management professor at the Yale School of Organization and Management, say it this way:
"If you are going to fail, you might as well fail at a difficult task. Failure causes others to downgrade their expectations of you in the future. The seriousness of this problem depends on what you attempt."
In its purest form, winning becomes a means, not an end, to improve yourself and your competition.
Winning is also a means to play again. The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the unlived life is not worth examining. The rewards of winning-money, power, satisfaction, and self-confidence-should not be squandered.
Thus, in addition to playing to win, you have a second, more important obligation: To compete again to the depth and breadth and height that your soul can reach. Ultimately, your greatest competition is yourself.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
Playing to win, however, does not mean playing dirty. As you grow older and older, you will find that things change from absolute to relative. When you were very young, it was absolutely wrong to lie, cheat, or steal.
As you get older, and particularly when you enter the workforce, you will be tempted by the "system" to think in relative terms. "I made more money." "I have a nicer car." "I went on a better vacation."
Worse, "I didn't cheat as much on my taxes as my partner." "I just have a few drinks. I don't take cocaine." "I don't pad my expense reports as much as others."
This is completely wrong. Preserve and obey the absolutes as much as you can. If you never lie, cheat, or steal, you will never have to remember who you lied to, how you cheated, and what you stole.
There absolutely are absolute rights and wrongs.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
This is the most important hindsight. It doesn't need much explanation. I'll just repeat it: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
Nothing-not money, power, or fame-can replace your family and friends or bring them back once they are gone. Our greatest joy has been our baby, and I predict that children will bring you the greatest joy in your lives-especially if they graduate from college in four years.
And now, I'm going to give you one extra hindsight because I've probably cost your parents thousands of dollars today. It's something that I hate to admit too.
By and large, the older you get, the more you're going to realize that your parents were right. More and more-until finally, you become your parents. I know you're all saying, "Yeah, right." Mark my words.
Remember these ten things: if just one of them helps you helps just one of you, this speech will have been a success:
#10: Live off your parents as long as possible.
#9 Pursue joy, not happiness.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports.
#6: Continue to learn.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
#4: Don't get married too soon.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
Congratulations on your graduation. Thank you very much.
Palo Alto High School
Guy Kawasaki
Baccalaureate Speech 6/11/95
Speaking to you today marks a milestone in my life. I am 40 years old. 22 years ago, when I was in your seat, I never, ever thought I would be 40 years old.
The implications of being your speaker frightens me. For one thing, when a 40 year old geeser spoke at my baccalaureate ceremony, he was about the last person I'd believe. I have no intention of giving you the boring speech that you are dreading. This speech will be short, sweet, and not boring.
I am going to talk about hindsights today. Hindsights that I've accumulated in the 20 years from where you are to where I am. Don't blindly believe me. Don't take what I say as "truth." Just listen. Perhaps my experience can help you out a tiny bit.
I will present them ala David Letterman. Yes, 40-year old people can still stay up past 11.
#10: Live off your parents as long as possible.
When I spoke at this ceremony two years ago, this was the most popular hindsight-except from the point of view of the parents. Thus, I knew I was on the right track.
I was a diligent Oriental in high school and college. I took college-level classes and earned college-level credits. I rushed through college in 3 1/2 years. I never traveled or took time off because I thought it wouldn't prepare me for work and it would delay my graduation.
Frankly, I blew it.
You are going to work the rest of your lives, so don't be in a rush to start. Stretch out your college education. Now is the time to suck life into your lungs-before you have a mortgage, kids, and car payments.
Take whole semesters off to travel overseas. Take jobs and internships that pay less money or no money. Investigate your passions on your parent's nickel. Or dime. Or quarter. Or dollar. Your goal should be to extend college to at least six years.
Delay, as long as possible, the inevitable entry into the workplace and a lifetime of servitude to bozos who know less than you do, but who make more money. Also, you shouldn't deprive your parents of the pleasure of supporting you.
#9 Pursue joy, not happiness.
This is probably the hardest lesson of all to learn. It probably seems to you that the goal in life is to be "happy." Oh, you may be have sacrifice and study and work hard, but, by and large, happiness should be predictable.
Nice house. Nice car. Nice material things. Take my word for it, happiness is temporary and fleeting. Joy, by contrast, is unpredictable. It comes from pursing interests and passions that do not obviously result in happiness.
Pursuing joy, not happiness will translate into one thing over the next few years for you: Study what you love. This may also not be popular with parents. When I went to college, I was "marketing driven." It's also an Oriental thing.
I looked at what fields had the greatest job opportunities and prepared myself for them. This was brain dead. There are so many ways to make a living in the world, it doesn't matter that you've taken all the "right" courses. I don't think one person on the original Macintosh team had a classic "computer science" degree.
You parents have a responsibility in this area. Don't force your kids to follow in your footsteps or to live your dreams. My father was a senator in Hawaii. His dream was to be a lawyer, but he only had a high school education. He wanted me to be a lawyer.
For him, I went to law school. For me, I quit after two weeks. I view this a terrific validation of my inherent intelligence.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make in life is to accept the known and resist the unknown. You should, in fact, do exactly the opposite: challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
Let me tell you a short story about ice. In the late 1800s there was a thriving ice industry in the Northeast. Companies would cut blocks of ice from frozen lakes and ponds and sell them around the world. The largest single shipment was 200 tons that was shipped to India. 100 tons got there unmelted, but this was enough to make a profit.
These ice harvesters, however, were put out of business by companies that invented mechanical ice makers. It was no longer necessary to cut and ship ice because companies could make it in any city during any season.
These ice makers, however, were put out of business by refrigerator companies. If it was convenient to make ice at a manufacturing plant, imagine how much better it was to make ice and create cold storage in everyone's home.
You would think that the ice harvesters would see the advantages of ice making and adopt this technology. However, all they could think about was the known: better saws, better storage, better transportation.
Then you would think that the ice makers would see the advantages of refrigerators and adopt this technology. The truth is that the ice harvesters couldn't embrace the unknown and jump their curve to the next curve.
Challenge the known and embrace the unknown, or you'll be like the ice harvester and ice makers.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports.
Learn a foreign language. I studied Latin in high school because I thought it would help me increase my vocabulary. It did, but trust me when I tell you it's very difficult to have a conversation in Latin today other than at the Vatican. And despite all my efforts, the Pope has yet to call for my advice. Learn to play a musical instrument. My only connection to music today is that I was named after Guy Lombardo. Trust me: it's better than being named after Guy's brother, Carmen. Playing a musical instrument could be with me now and stay with me forever. Instead, I have to buy CDs at Tower.
I played football. I loved football. Football is macho. I was a middle linebacker-arguably, one of the most macho position in a macho game. But you should also learn to play a non-contact sport like basketball or tennis. That is, a sport you can play when you're over the hill.
It will be as difficult when you're 40 to get twenty two guys together in a stadium to play football as it is to have a conversation in Latin, but all the people who wore cute, white tennis outfits can still play tennis. And all the macho football players are sitting around watching television and drinking beer.
#6: Continue to learn.
Learning is a process not an event. I thought learning would be over when I got my degree. It's not true. You should never stop learning. Indeed, it gets easier to learn once you're out of school because it's easier to see the relevance of why you need to learn.
You're learning in a structured, dedicated environment right now. On your parent's nickel. But don't confuse school and learning. You can go to school and not learn a thing. You can also learn a tremendous amount without school.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
I know a forty year old woman who was a drug addict. She is a mother of three. She traced the start of her drug addiction to smoking dope in high school.
I'm not going to lecture you about not taking drugs. Hey, I smoked dope in high school. Unlike Bill Clinton, I inhaled. Also unlike Bill Clinton, I exhaled.
This woman told me that she started taking drugs because she hated herself when she was sober. She did not like drugs so much as much as she hated herself. Drugs were not the cause though she thought they were the solution.
She turned her life around only after she realized that she was in a downward spiral. Fix your problem. Fix your life. Then you won't need to take drugs. Drugs are neither the solution nor the problem.
Frankly, smoking, drugs, alcohol-and using an IBM PC-are signs of stupidity. End of discussion.
#4: Don't get married too soon.
I got married when I was 32. That's about the right age. Until you're about that age, you may not know who you are. You also may not know who you're marrying.
I don't know one person who got married too late. I know many people who got married too young. If you do decide to get married, just keep in mind that you need to accept the person for what he or she is right now.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
Playing to win is one of the finest things you can do. It enables you to fulfill your potential. It enables you to improve the world and, conveniently, develop high expectations for everyone else too.
And what if you lose? Just make sure you lose while trying something grand. Avinash Dixit, an economics professor at Princeton, and Barry Nalebuff, an economics and management professor at the Yale School of Organization and Management, say it this way:
"If you are going to fail, you might as well fail at a difficult task. Failure causes others to downgrade their expectations of you in the future. The seriousness of this problem depends on what you attempt."
In its purest form, winning becomes a means, not an end, to improve yourself and your competition.
Winning is also a means to play again. The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the unlived life is not worth examining. The rewards of winning-money, power, satisfaction, and self-confidence-should not be squandered.
Thus, in addition to playing to win, you have a second, more important obligation: To compete again to the depth and breadth and height that your soul can reach. Ultimately, your greatest competition is yourself.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
Playing to win, however, does not mean playing dirty. As you grow older and older, you will find that things change from absolute to relative. When you were very young, it was absolutely wrong to lie, cheat, or steal.
As you get older, and particularly when you enter the workforce, you will be tempted by the "system" to think in relative terms. "I made more money." "I have a nicer car." "I went on a better vacation."
Worse, "I didn't cheat as much on my taxes as my partner." "I just have a few drinks. I don't take cocaine." "I don't pad my expense reports as much as others."
This is completely wrong. Preserve and obey the absolutes as much as you can. If you never lie, cheat, or steal, you will never have to remember who you lied to, how you cheated, and what you stole.
There absolutely are absolute rights and wrongs.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
This is the most important hindsight. It doesn't need much explanation. I'll just repeat it: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
Nothing-not money, power, or fame-can replace your family and friends or bring them back once they are gone. Our greatest joy has been our baby, and I predict that children will bring you the greatest joy in your lives-especially if they graduate from college in four years.
And now, I'm going to give you one extra hindsight because I've probably cost your parents thousands of dollars today. It's something that I hate to admit too.
By and large, the older you get, the more you're going to realize that your parents were right. More and more-until finally, you become your parents. I know you're all saying, "Yeah, right." Mark my words.
Remember these ten things: if just one of them helps you helps just one of you, this speech will have been a success:
#10: Live off your parents as long as possible.
#9 Pursue joy, not happiness.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports.
#6: Continue to learn.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
#4: Don't get married too soon.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
Congratulations on your graduation. Thank you very much.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Why can't I just be..
mad. Why can't I just be the one upset in the relationship? Why can't it be the other person's fault? Why does it feel like I am the one that always feels like I have done something wrong? Why do I have to bend to other person's wants or desires? Why do always feel like the bad guy? I really just want to be mad and not permanently. I just want to be upset, angry maybe bitter when somebody says something to me that hurts me. But no when I start acting like I am hurt the other person's feelings become hurt and they make it feel like it is my fault then I find myself coddling to their wants and feelings because I dont want anybody to be upset on my account, and then my feelings are neglected and repressed. I just want to scream let it all, be done and move on, but most times that just doesn’t happen. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh like right now.
So lets rewind. I was bored on Sunday evening hanging out at A’s and I started looking at jobs out there. I came across a position that fit my skill set perfectly, so I decided to send in my resume with a pie-in-the-sky salary requirement thinking that a) maybe I will get lucky or b) I will never hear from them. So low and behold on Monday afternoon they call me. (I guess they were impressed) After a few days of phone tag, I end up getting in to talk to them on Wednesday evening. I actually spend an hour and half there just going over things and pretty much I have the job if I want it, but their offer is almost 10k lower than my original salary requirement but still more than what I am making now. So A was all excited about this job interview I had and I was too, hoping that maybe this would be another new chapter in my life, so on my way home its about a 45 minute drive there. I get A on the phone and we were discussing my options. The only real reason I am even thinking about taking a new position is because of career advancement. Currently in my present position I have hit a ceiling of sorts and do not see myself going much further in this company and I have expressed my desire about this to the CTO and I have started reading up on Systems Analysis so that is a possible avenue in my current company. And when I tell A about how I want to do Systems Analysis she is not supportive in the least, she really doesn’t think it’s a ‘good idea’ and I am not sure why. Maybe it is because that is what she currently is doing and she feels threatened that I may do a better job than her. Who knows, but it upsets me that she is not supportive in the least and wants me to be happy in what I am doing at work. It really only seems that she wants me to get the job that makes the most money so I can spend it on her. Damn you women… damn you all. So yeah I was fairly upset about this because something similar happened this past Friday evening when I told her that this is what the CTO and I discussed, and she made me feel the same way. Though I just shrugged it off as no big deal. But this time I had to say something about how she made me feel and pretty much I had to get off the phone. We exchanged a few text messages back and forth later that evening and things were not too hostile, but I do not know. Maybe this relationship is waning. We shall see.
But I wanted to get this all out this morning before she gets into work and is all cute and adorable and makes me forget that I just want to be mad for a little while. Ok.. exhale……
So lets rewind. I was bored on Sunday evening hanging out at A’s and I started looking at jobs out there. I came across a position that fit my skill set perfectly, so I decided to send in my resume with a pie-in-the-sky salary requirement thinking that a) maybe I will get lucky or b) I will never hear from them. So low and behold on Monday afternoon they call me. (I guess they were impressed) After a few days of phone tag, I end up getting in to talk to them on Wednesday evening. I actually spend an hour and half there just going over things and pretty much I have the job if I want it, but their offer is almost 10k lower than my original salary requirement but still more than what I am making now. So A was all excited about this job interview I had and I was too, hoping that maybe this would be another new chapter in my life, so on my way home its about a 45 minute drive there. I get A on the phone and we were discussing my options. The only real reason I am even thinking about taking a new position is because of career advancement. Currently in my present position I have hit a ceiling of sorts and do not see myself going much further in this company and I have expressed my desire about this to the CTO and I have started reading up on Systems Analysis so that is a possible avenue in my current company. And when I tell A about how I want to do Systems Analysis she is not supportive in the least, she really doesn’t think it’s a ‘good idea’ and I am not sure why. Maybe it is because that is what she currently is doing and she feels threatened that I may do a better job than her. Who knows, but it upsets me that she is not supportive in the least and wants me to be happy in what I am doing at work. It really only seems that she wants me to get the job that makes the most money so I can spend it on her. Damn you women… damn you all. So yeah I was fairly upset about this because something similar happened this past Friday evening when I told her that this is what the CTO and I discussed, and she made me feel the same way. Though I just shrugged it off as no big deal. But this time I had to say something about how she made me feel and pretty much I had to get off the phone. We exchanged a few text messages back and forth later that evening and things were not too hostile, but I do not know. Maybe this relationship is waning. We shall see.
But I wanted to get this all out this morning before she gets into work and is all cute and adorable and makes me forget that I just want to be mad for a little while. Ok.. exhale……
Monday, May 7, 2007
My Way...
I will let my budy Frank S. lead us into this next posting.... Regrets I've had a few But then again too few to mention I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption I planned each chartered course Each careful step along the by-way And more, much more than this I did it my way And then if my Buddy Borat was singing this it would end in NOT. Click hear for a refresher(Warning: Adult Content) Confused? I am sure you are. I got tagged by my only Blog buddy Sarah . First off Tag, honestly what a juvenile game. I think it is a perfect metaphor for our adult lives. We are something we don't want to be so we try to 'get rid' of it. It is different for everybody else some it is weight, some it is emotions, and others is just trying to get rid of an empty feeling inside of them. But no matter what IT is a lot of is are trying to get rid of it. Any ways, that is just my deep enlightenment in the world of Tag. As always I digress and I was tagged by Sarah to answer this question: What is the biggest regret of your life? Would you change it? Also, have you ever considered that you might actually not be like David Hasselhoff but more like Jack Lord when he was on Hawaii 5-O? That is where the nice little lyrical reference from Frank Sinatra comes in and the NOT joke by Borat. Unlike Frank I have had a lot of regrets or maybe I think I have regrets.
I thought about this a lot and there are some possibilities and probably the most glaring one that every one that knows would say would be getting married to who I did when I did, and that is definitely a regret I have. Though honestly I am not sure if I had to do it all over again that I wouldn't. I have learned so much about myself through this ordeal and I do not know if I could of learned it any other way. Though I think a major regret of mine is not being more outgoing. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I think that has led me to miss a lot of opportunities because of it. Just from a social aspect and possibly from a career aspect. So I think that is one of my biggest regrets and it is definitely something I am trying to work on in my life. I will keep you posted on how that goes..
I thought about this a lot and there are some possibilities and probably the most glaring one that every one that knows would say would be getting married to who I did when I did, and that is definitely a regret I have. Though honestly I am not sure if I had to do it all over again that I wouldn't. I have learned so much about myself through this ordeal and I do not know if I could of learned it any other way. Though I think a major regret of mine is not being more outgoing. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I think that has led me to miss a lot of opportunities because of it. Just from a social aspect and possibly from a career aspect. So I think that is one of my biggest regrets and it is definitely something I am trying to work on in my life. I will keep you posted on how that goes..
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